Junk food is amazing, and it was even more so when we were younger, and whilst feeling rather queezy from a rapidly consumed Cadbury Easter Egg, I got thinking about what different kinds of edible tat were popular back in the late 90’s and early 00’s that seem to have blown off of the radar in the present day, as well as those brands where you think “I can’t believe they STILL make those!”.
We all like a bit of retro crap, especially me, so let’s dive right into those slightly nostalgic junk foods…
Might be worth mentioning I’ve already talked about those horrendous Panda Pops, in a previous article:
#1: Toxic Waste
Good God above, these were like the Heroin of the sweet world, if you regularly consumed Toxic Waste, you were either bat shit insane, or had testicles of pure steel. As you may tell, these were “hazardously sour” boiled sweets that came in a nice little yellow radioactive barrel, they came in an assortment of flavors, but if I recall, the lemon one was unsurprisingly the most dangerous of the lot.
They’ll probably seem a bit pedestrian to us now, but back then, they separated the men from the complete pussbags, I never really cared for them myself…
Toxic Waste do indeed live on, there’s even an official webpage, with various clips of people taking the Toxic Waste challenge, (i.e. eating one), take a look if you like… http://www.toxicwastecandy.com/video.aspx
#2: Space Raiders
Ahh, Space Raiders, they’re out of this world! For just 10p you could have a small back of alien head shaped corn snacks, that was until 2007, when they went up to 15p…
The familiar, and yet somehow eerie extraterrestrial face has donned the front of packets since the 1970’s when they were first introduced, everyone recognizes the green Pickled Onion alien, but I don’t seem to remember the Spicy and Saucy flavors at all, the covers look even more disturbing though.
There’s not much else to be said about Space Raiders, except that they tasted nice for the price!
As you’d expect, they’re still around today too, but as an adult I’m obliged to buy Walkers in order to avoid looking like a pauper, *sadface*.
I wont go on about these much because I’m probably the only one that remembers them, and they might not be around anymore, these are what first inspired me to write about old junk foods. These were just crinkle cut crisps, a bit like McCoys except that they weren’t absolutely horrid, (yes, I’m a McCoys hater).
There was a cool mustached chef holding a Frisp on the old multipacks, and I can’t find any evidence for his existence, but I swear he was there, THERE WAS A CHEF!! D:
Speaking of obscure crisps, who remembers these bad boys? They were marketed as some sort of groovy snack, which was quite odd. This is evidenced by the “Big Hittin’ Salt N’ Vinegar FLAVA” seen on the photograph, now I don’t know if it’s just me but, I hate things that put ‘n’ instead of “and”, it doesn’t make it sound modern or cool, it makes it sound lazy and tacky, rant over…
Anyway, back to Discos (which by the way are still grooving around in the cheap-jack food shops) they were very round, very flat, and tasted a bit shit if I’m honest. Next.
#5: Cadbury Freddo
I couldn’t write a post about nostalgic junk food without mentioning Freddo bars, known for being the best confectionery based indicator of national inflation rates. When Freddo bars hit 17p, the country was in a state of frenzy, and apparently they’ve hit 20p now, which means all hell is about to break loose…
As for the chocolate itself, it’s just a frog shaped piece of Dairy Milk, you can get caramel ones, but if my memory serves me correctly, the caramel Freddo bars were previously known as:
I know, I just had a retrogasm too…
Well, I think I’ll wrap it up there, I don’t think Freddo bars can really be topped, I’ll probably do more of these another time, I just thought it’d be quite fun to take a quick look at some of the shite we used to (and for some, still do) consume!
Until next time!
What were they?
Sensationally sugary sweet soft drinks with more foreign chemicals than an Iranian laboratory. Usually found at a cut price in tat selling stores such as Poundstretcher, but more commonly consumed by hyperactive children in Fish and Chip restaurants! Came in in four delicious flavors:
The manufacturers (known as Panda Drinks *haha*) discontinued the range earlier this very year (2011 for those who are unsure) when they caught sight of the fact that the products were a load of shit. Sources indicate it could take years before the former Panda Pop factory is safe for takeover or demolition due to the high density of potentially devastating chemicals.